Order Only: Private message to Padfoot

[alt_lupin]

Poison?

POISON?

Look into Hydra's eyes and say you're poison because of who your parents were. Or Draco's. Or Pansy's.

We fought a goddamn war to say finally that magical blood is magical blood regardless of who your parents were. Good people are also good people regardless of what their last name is, whether they got added to some dusty moth-eaten tapestry when they were born, whether their parents fought to create this clusterfuck or fought to eliminate it. You don't carry some taint because you're a Black, any more than Hydra does, or Draco. We are the people our choices make us. You've chosen to be the person I LOVE, Sirius Black, you've chosen to be the person who holds me at night and stays with me when I transform, the person I waited most of my life to find. You've chosen to fight people like Bellatrix, to risk everything you have to make a better world. DO NOT TELL ME THAT YOU ARE POISON.

There aren't any guarantees. None of us were promised a happy ending. Not Minerva or Severus, not Kingsley or Benjy, not Harry, not Justin, that doesn't make it all somehow your fault when things go wrong, you egotistical jackass. WHERE ARE YOU?




yes, I found your FUCKING note. just like obviously you found mine.

Comments

[alt_sirius]

I've been talking to Hermione.

I knew you'd shout about it, but it's true.

[alt_sirius]

And maybe it's not because I'm a Black. It's just because I'm who she made me.

So. Bellatrix will stand as an altogether appropriate proxy, won't she.

It's all right, Moony. I don't want to -

[alt_sirius]

I can't stand being here when they're all gone.

I'm tired.

[alt_lupin]

Hermione, Draco, Hydra, Bea, Adam, they're not worth living for?

[alt_sirius]

Of course they are.

How long before I fail them, too?

Hydra asked - she begged me to kill Bella for her. Because she doesn't think she can do it right now.

And I'm so relieved she didn't want to go along, because how could I have said no? but she only wanted it done, and it's all I want, too.

And if I live, well, that's Emrys having a joke on me. Maybe it'll make things better.

But if I don't - I just want you to know, I'm at peace with that.

I'm all right with that.

[alt_lupin]

That, I understand.

And I feel the same way.

[alt_sirius]

Anyway, I wrote that back -

Well, a while ago. Before Harry.

But now I've got two more names on my ledger, don't I.

[alt_lupin]

I could tell it wasn't recent.

Here's what I was going to update my note to say. I wrote that note thinking that I might die some month during the transformation. I wanted to add that I thought my time was getting short. You know, I'm old for a werewolf, when you factor in how young I was when I was bitten. Month in, month out, even with the wolfsbane potion it's exhausting. It wears you out. You know that as well as I do.

I wanted to tell you that if I died tonight, killing Bellatrix, that it beat the hell out of dying some random month for no good reason other than my father made the mistake of annoying Fenrir Grayback when I was four years old.

A meaningful death feels like it's worth something. A death that accomplishes something feels like it's worth something.

Dying in a pool of vomit when my body just refuses to transform again? What a useless, pointless way to go.

[alt_sirius]

Together, then?

[alt_lupin]

Yeah.

Together.